This morning David pulled the honey bear out for his coffee and grinned. “My honey fairy didn’t come!” Yesterday he had used the last of the honey and had left the bottle out for me to refill. For 15-or-so years that had been our habit, not just for honey refills but for everything. When something was running low, I’d tell David to “put it on the list” and his so-called magical fairy would meet his needs so long as she wasn’t under an editing deadline.
The arrangement worked for us both because I have always worked from home. Laundry could be running, dinner could be cooking, and paint could be drying all while I was editing Word documents. I was happy to do most-things domestic so that when David got home from his long hours at work or many days away on business he could just relax and pay attention to me. He had less stress, and I got to do everything to my own type-A standards.
Then came 2019 and a seismic shift in my work schedule. No longer would I being doing freelance writing, editing, and reviewing only when it was convenient for us; now I was committed to writing 3 books in 3 years and all the research, travel, publicity, and bonus-content development (i.e., blogging and podcasting) that goes along with publishing books these days. I may still work from home, but I no longer have time to fill his honey bear. Clean laundry waits days to be folded, dinner is more often bought than made, and I haven’t done a house restoration project in at least a year. (Gasp!)
I have adopted a new motto for myself: Happy-Crazy-Busy. If I’m not working, then I’m thinking about working. It’s crazy, but I am so happy knowing I’m exactly where God wants me to be at this moment.
Naturally, we have struggled a bit with the changes. David is doing a lot more around the house, and I am learning to be thankful when I can’t find my colander–because that means he unloaded the dishwasher! There have been arguments and anger, but we are learning how to work together differently now that circumstances have changed.
Since March, God has seen fit to speak into our marriage through one of my chore-disrupting book projects. I have had the privilege of collaborating with Jeremy and Adrienne Camp to write a book about marriage. It will release March 3, 2020, in tandem with the film, I Still Believe, which is based on Jeremy’s spiritual journey in the wake of his first wife’s death. In Unison: The Unfinished Story of Jeremy and Adrienne Camp uses anecdotes from their personal life to explore topics such as tragedy, stress, finances, and parenting that can strain a marriage, and it offers Godly perspectives on how such challenges can strengthen and not separate husband and wife.
This project and these new friends entered my life at just the right time. From the floor of their living room with my laptop in my lap, I witnessed the fruits of a marriage lived in right-relationship with God. This family–who is separated by the demands of two successful careers by far greater distances and for much longer periods of time than those David and I complain of–exudes the love they espouse. Their home is a place of peace and cooperation (where, incidentally, screens are tools for work and school, not sources of mindless entertainment!).
Jeremy and Adrienne have inspired David and me not just with the words they have written but with the lives they live. They, too, are happy-crazy-busy, and all of that comes from being obedient to God and how He wishes to use them in service of His will. No tiny fairies make their marriage work; one big God does.