I’ve had pneumonia since Memorial Day. Yuck. It started with an allergy attack in Nashville and was exacerbated by weeks of a moldy laundry room and open windows courtesy of a broken A/C and apathetic owner.

One day I’d had enough of the misery…and maybe I remembered my mother-in-law was coming to visit that weekend. I violated doctors’ orders, pulled out our vacuum, and went to town on every soft surface in the condo. (I did leave the mold clean-up for the professionals.) David was even amazed at how much better the place felt once I’d de-dusted it.

Then my Hoover bit the dust. I got online and found an amazing deal on a vacuum and 11 attachments. So amazing that the warehouse backordered it and took 5 weeks to send it to me.

This is a glorious time of year in Denver. Unlike in the miserable dusty summer, you want to have all your windows open 24 hours per day and never run your A/C. There are no bugs or humidity, but I still see a layer of dust on our floors every few days.

Attachments…glorious attachments!

I survived that time with wet mops and lots of Method All-Purpose Cleaner. I’m almost out of my Method stuff, but I won’t be reordering it. My new vacuum was worth the wait. I can now vacuum everything: furniture, upholstery, carpets, underneath appliances. I’m in dust-free heaven! I can breathe so much better, I won’t be spending money on as many cleaning products, and there are no more botanical smells (be they natural or artificial) filling the air. (David hates all things lavender, weirdo.) Our condo is about as close to nature as I can get it, and my pneumonia is nearly gone.

Even if you only use vinegar and lemons to clean your kitchen, your home is still permeated with chemicals. Name a building material—any building material—drywall, flame-retardant insulation, plastic plumbing, caulking. They all contain toxic chemicals, but who would want to live in a house without them?

As I see it, the only way to have the perfect environment for conception is to row your own wooden boat to a deserted island, where you cut down your own trees to build your hut and decorate your living room with coconut shells and palm fronds. There you can eat only wild-grown fruit and wild-caught fish while drinking only water from a natural stream. It’s a wonder children are conceived anywhere on earth besides the set of Survivor” (Haley, Barren among the Fruitful, 60).

David and I have stopped trying to have children, but we haven’t stopped trying to improve our health. Yes, the new vacuuming regimen takes a little bit longer than the old-fashioned polish-and-rag routine, but I get significantly better and longer-lasting results. It will even save us money in the long run–fewer chemical cleaners and (hopefully) fewer trips to the doctor.